The Au-Wakening Tarot Spread

This spread is for late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed Autistic adults

So, you have discovered you are autistic.

This is an amazing and positive thing.

Maybe you have been officially diagnosed, or maybe you have done your own research and self-diagnosed. Chances are your life is feeling a bit of a roller coaster right now. One minute you are feeling elated as you now have validation that your experiences are real and shared by many others throughout the world. Then in the next minute, you will probably be dealing with anger about all you had to go through in life to get to this point. 

Every late diagnosed autistic adult is beautifully unique, their journey and experiences different. But as you come into your auwakening, accept your diagnosis, and learn how to move forward with this knowledge, you will face new challenges and discover more about yourself than you ever thought possible.

Below is a spread to help you navigate the path to your auwakening. Please note I am not a trained psychologist or therapist, just a tarot-wise individual navigating her own autism diagnosis.

1) Digesting your life up until now as an undiagnosed autist.

You will most likely have been through a lot to get to this point in your life. 

• Maybe you always felt something was wrong with you.
• Were passed over for people with fewer skills because you couldn’t master the gift of the gab.
• Your ability to hyper focus meant you were great at your job, but your home life suffered.

This card represents the biggest issues you need to digest to move forward into your new life.

2) Learning to see your true self.

• You may feel that you were never good enough, or that you never achieved your potential.
• Perhaps you became very angry at the world and lashed out at those around you. 
• Maybe you look back at what you have achieved and are even more proud of what you have done.

Now you know that you are Autistic, you can look back at your life with a new understanding. And please do it through kind eyes. 

Use this card to help you focus on what needs healing or celebrating. Forgive yourself where needed, cry if you want, process all that has gone before, because you have a whole new life waiting for you.

3) Forgiving others.

The world is not kind to the neurodiverse. It is designed and ruled by the Neuro Typicals and favours those who walk the NT walk. Autistic people are more likely to have experienced bullying, trouble at work, trauma, depression, and anxiety. 

Realising the world has been skewed against you often causes a lot of anger upon diagnosis. 

• Rage at the interview processes which discriminates against the Neuro Diverse
• The school yard bullying you experienced as an adult in a professional workplace
• Being told you were faking it when sensory overloads brought you to tears
• Despair at the media portrayal of Autistic individuals
• The prejudiced reactions of your friends when you tell them your diagnosis. 
• Fear that everyone was right about you all along and that you are defective. (You are certainly not defective.) 
• Realising it was never that you weren’t good enough, it was that your neurons processed the world differently.

Rage.

Anger.

Sadness.

Or maybe you are lucky and have always been surrounded by supportive people, in which case, you can look at this card as ‘Thanking Others’.

To move forward with your life, you will need to find a way past this pain. A kind of forgiveness. Not because the world was right to treat you this way, but because by closing the door on past hurt, you can move forward without carrying the weight of all that pain. This card will show you what to focus on, or how to process your feelings.

4) You. Beautiful, original you.

I cannot begin to express how amazed I am at the diversity of the Neuro Diverse community. Our stories, our unique skills and abilities, our sensitivities, our compassion, and our humanity. You have something special to offer to the world, and if you don’t want to think that large, to the Autistic community, or to your small friendship group. 

You are valuable.

This card will help you reflect on your own Autistic beauty, be that fragile or robust, born out of pain, or striding forth in confidence.

5) Unmasking.

So, you have got to adulthood without being diagnosed. You are probably pretty good at that masking thing, aren’t you? 

Now you have to ask yourself the question: who are you masking for? What damage is this masking doing to your physical and mental health? What damage is it doing to the wider Autistic community?

Is it time you learned how to be your own authentic self? Can you let yourself the self-care that is headphones/earplugs, asking for the lights to be dimmed, taking time out, talking without worrying about pitch and pace to your friends?

Please remember that your experiences aren’t other people’s experiences. Some people may not feel ready to drop the mask, and in some situations, it may not be safe for them to do so. Don’t feel pressure to unmask in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, and don’t tell people how they should handle their survival mechanisms.

This card will help guide you on your unmasking journey.

6) The #ActuallyAutistic community

Reach out. 

This is not a natural action for us.

But please, if you feel lonely, reach out.

• To that one friend you know you can trust
• To a local support group
• On social media with total strangers, expressing all your feelings under a safe pseudonym, 
• To words, delicious words, trapped between pages of the growing number of memoires, support books, and works of fiction by #ActuallyAutistic people.

This card will help you think about how you should reach out and what kind of engagement you will benefit most from.

7) Your path

So, you have discovered you are autistic.

What you do with this information is up to you. 

Maybe you will hide this away and live a quiet life, reducing external stress to allow yourself to live a better life.

This is valid.

Maybe you will use this information to seek further therapy to cope with everything life is throwing at you. 

This is valid.

Maybe you will use this knowledge to seek out like minded people and find a sense of belonging.

This is valid.

This card will help you decide what path is right for you.

What ever you do, I wish you the best

Celebrating Autism, Pumpkin Carving 2022, Moti Black